In general, the idea of making friends can be stressful and intimidating. However, building relationships with people in your community is also incredibly beneficial for your individual growth and mental health. For all my commuting college students out there, this can be even harder without the built-in friendships that come with living on campus. So you may be wondering how in the world people make friends as a commuter college student.
As an introvert myself, I often shy away from connecting with new people. It gives me anxiety and makes me feel exhausted at the end of the day. However, staying away from this has led to some very lonely times in my life, when I was unable to form any real and deep connections with others. I was pretty miserable.
This problem only compounded when I moved home in the middle of my college experience and began commuting. Instead of having roommates to talk to, I was back home, spending my evenings alone doing schoolwork.
Even introverts need some connections with others. Making friends when you don’t live on campus can be difficult, and it won’t happen right away. However, there are some ways you can actively work to connect with others.
Why is it so Hard to Make Friends as a Commuter College Student?
To understand the answer to this question, you will have to take a look at the “commuter college experience” and how it differs from the experience of those who live on campus. With a whole different set of tools and schedules, commuting to college will have a different end result than living in the dorms or apartments near campus.
Briefly, living on campus provides you with a sanctuary you can go to throughout the day and some built-in relationships. Whether these relationships turn out good or bad, they are there. Whereas, as a commuter student, you have to work a little harder to build this community. With the methods I am going to talk about in this article, it is possible, just different.
Overall, whether you choose to commute to campus or live on campus, your college experience is how you make it. With these tips, you can build a community of like-minded people around you that will remain in your life for as long as you’ll allow them. For some tips on how to succeed as a commuter college student, check out College Info Geek.
Tips on Making Friends and Building Relationships as a Commuter Student
1. Join a Club
I know that this is probably a piece of advice you have heard 1,000 times throughout your life, I definitely have. All throughout grade school and high school, whenever I was looking to make friends I was told to join a club. I just didn’t want to believe it.
Unfortunately, for my pride, there is a reason that this piece of advice is so popular. One of the main ways to know that a friendship is going to be strong is to find someone with similar interests to you. Although it is possible, it is really difficult to get along with someone who likes everything you dislike and vice versa. There usually has to be some common ground, even if it’s just your mutual liking of sitting in a cafe and reading.
Every college campus that I know of has groups and clubs for you to join. You will most likely be able to find a list of them on your university’s website. Many campuses also hold club fairs at the beginning of each semester for people to discover all of the exciting groups out there.
And if you can’t find a club you are interested in, make one! I am sure there is someone else on your campus that loves the exact same things you do.
2. Go to Campus Events
In a similar vein to joining a club is attending the random events that your college campus might host. A lot of universities will allocate specific resources to hosting events for their students. I remember my university hosting random movie nights, craft classes, and more.
As a commuter college student, you are going to have a lot of free time. Sometimes you will have a 2-hour break between classes that you must fill. Too short to go home, but too long to not get bored. These gaps in your schedule make the perfect time to work on finding new friends.
Check out your school’s student union website. There should be a schedule full of everything happening on campus! Who knows, maybe you’ll find something exciting. One time, I found a beginner’s bonsai class! As a plant lover, I have never felt more excited in my life.
Also, don’t be afraid to show up to these events alone! If your goal for doing this is making friends, there is absolutely no problem showing up alone. I promise you won’t be the only one. We often have this irrational fear of looking strange by doing things alone. You don’t!
3. Talk to your Classmates
One of the easiest ways to make friends as a commuter college student is by talking to those already around you. College is hard, with all the tests, papers, and projects. Sometimes it’s nice to have a community around you to talk about this with.
During the first couple of weeks of classes, gauge the people you are sitting near in class. Find a couple of people you think would make good friends and talk to them! Ask them to exchange numbers just in case you miss a day of classes and need notes. Or just in case you want to create a study group.
This is a great way to have a tangible reason to talk to others that has nothing to do with making friends. Maybe these simple connections will turn into friendships. I met some of my best college friends this way!
4. Go to the Gym
If you like to exercise, you might already be doing this. Or if you aren’t exactly a gym rat, you might be immediately dismissing this tip. But did you know that going to the gym is a great way to make friends?
I’m definitely not suggesting simply walking up to someone with headphones on in the middle of their workout and asking them what their favorite color is. That probably won’t get you very far in the friendship department. Most people don’t want to be bothered when they are in the middle of a run or lifting weights.
However, one way you can start to build connections with others at the gym is through group classes! Depending on how big your college campus is, your gym might offer group Zoomba classes, cycling classes, or dance classes. These are a great way to meet others and have some fun.
Also, with the proximity effect, people seeing your face multiple times at the same place, a gym, will make them more likely to want to be your friend!
5. Check out Facebook Groups
I know Facebook isn’t used very much by Gen Z folks anymore, including myself, but it is still the easiest platform for creating groups. By looking up your school and your graduating year, such as “Harvard University Class of 2026,” you will most likely find an already-created group for students just like you!
These groups are a great place to see what others are doing in your college. People will often post about events and club meetings that you might be interested in. It’s a great place to start interacting with others and get your face seen. It’s much easier to make friends with people that are familiar, even if they have only seen your face around the internet.
If you try to find a Facebook group and nothing comes up, make one! Or find people on other platforms across the internet. Social media can be a powerful tool for forming friendships with others.
6. Put Yourself in Busy Places
After you spend some time on your college campus, you will start to get a feel for where people like to hang out. Whether it be the student union or the courtyard, there are definitely specific places on campus where students will congregate.
Putting yourself in these busy places definitely increases your possibility of meeting someone, even if by chance. Maybe you’ll smile at each other, or maybe they will ask you to watch their backpack while they go to the bathroom. Either way, you are more likely to meet a friend in the busy areas rather than the quieter corners of campus. Although, these quiet corners are great for when you just want to be alone!
I wouldn’t recommend doing this at places like the library, where communication is definitely limited and students are more focused on their work than the people around them. But a student union or a dining area is a great stopping point to scout some friends.
Of course, you do have to put yourself out there a little more with this one. But you never know, maybe you’ll meet your next best friend.
At the end of the day, your college experience depends solely on you. If one of your goals is making friends, put yourself out there! Unfortunately, it isn’t as easy as in high school, and it becomes even more difficult once you graduate from university.
Trust me, I know how difficult It can be to put yourself out there. I am an introvert through and through and tend to shut down when put in situations that require socialization. But when you have a goal of developing friendships, one step to that is getting outside your comfort zone a little.
One more piece of advice, don’t worry too much if, after doing all of these tips, you still aren’t forming deep relationships with others in college. You still have so much time in your life to make these friendships that will last forever. Maybe it just wasn’t that time for you. It’s okay!
And just know, most of the people around you are feeling the exact same way. You are absolutely not alone. Good luck!
